I2Samuel 13:1 ¶ And it came to pass after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her.
2Samuel 13:2 And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard for him to do any thing to her.
In this chapter we will begin to see evidence of the LORD’s judgment against David for his sin with Bathsheba when He declared that “the sword would not depart from his house.”
David’s firstborn son was Amnon by Ahinoam the Jezreelitess. His third son was Absalom by Maacah, daughter of the king of Geshur; he had a beautiful sister named Tamar. Amnon fell in “love” with Tamar, but we will soon find out that it wasn't love at all; it was lust. Amnon wanted Tamar so badly that it made him sick. Tamar was a virgin and well protected, and Amnon could see no way of fulfilling his lust.
2 Samuel 3:2–3 “And unto David were sons born in Hebron: and his firstborn was Amnon, of Ahinoam the Jezreelitess; And his second, Chileab, of Abigail the wife of Nabal the Carmelite; and the third, Absalom the son of Maacah the daughter of Talmai king of Geshur;”
2Samuel 13:3 But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah David’s brother: and Jonadab was a very subtil man.
2Samuel 13:4 And he said unto him, Why art thou, being the king’s son, lean from day to day? wilt thou not tell me? And Amnon said unto him, I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.
2Samuel 13:5 And Jonadab said unto him, Lay thee down on thy bed, and make thyself sick: and when thy father cometh to see thee, say unto him, I pray thee, let my sister Tamar come, and give me meat, and dress the meat in my sight, that I may see it, and eat it at her hand.
One of Amnon’s buddies was his cousin Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very cunning man, and he devised a plot to get Tamar to Amnon’s bedroom. He suggested that Amnon lay in bed and appear to be sick. When David came to check on him, he should ask for his father to send Tamar to prepare some food for him and serve him.
2Samuel 13:6 So Amnon lay down, and made himself sick: and when the king was come to see him, Amnon said unto the king, I pray thee, let Tamar my sister come, and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat at her hand.
2Samuel 13:7 Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, Go now to thy brother Amnon’s house, and dress him meat.
2Samuel 13:8 So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house; and he was laid down. And she took flour, and kneaded it, and made cakes in his sight, and did bake the cakes.
2Samuel 13:9 And she took a pan, and poured them out before him; but he refused to eat. And Amnon said, Have out all men from me. And they went out every man from him.
Amnon immediately set the plan into motion. When his father came to check on him, he asked for him to send Tamar to make him some cakes and serve him—and David did. Tamar showed up at Amnon’s house and made him some cakes, but he refused to eat. Amnon then asked that everyone but Tamar leave him, and they did.
2Samuel 13:10 And Amnon said unto Tamar, Bring the meat into the chamber, that I may eat of thine hand. And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them into the chamber to Amnon her brother.
2Samuel 13:11 And when she had brought them unto him to eat, he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister.
2Samuel 13:12 And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly.
2Samuel 13:13 And I, whither shall I cause my shame to go? and as for thee, thou shalt be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, I pray thee, speak unto the king; for he will not withhold me from thee.
2Samuel 13:14 Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her.
Amnon then called for Tamar to bring the food to him in his private chamber to feed him. Innocent Tamar did as she was asked. When she came into his chamber, Amnon grabbed hold of her and asked her to lay with him. She immediately refused and begged him not to force her. She reminded him that no such thing should be done in Israel (according to God’s law is implied), and begged him again not to force her.
Leviticus 18:9 “The nakedness of thy sister, the daughter of thy father, or daughter of thy mother, whether she be born at home, or born abroad, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover.”
Tamar continued to plead with her brother reminding him of the shame such action would bring upon both of them and the subsequent consequences. She urged him to ask their father if they could marry because he would surely allow it.
Note from JFB: It was not uncommon in those days for a prince to marry his half sister.
Amnon totally ignored her; he was bent only upon fulfilling his lust and raped his sister.
2Samuel 13:15 Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone.
2Samuel 13:16 And she said unto him, There is no cause: this evil in sending me away is greater than the other that thou didst unto me. But he would not hearken unto her.
2Samuel 13:17 Then he called his servant that ministered unto him, and said, Put now this woman out from me, and bolt the door after her.
After satisfying his sexual desire, Amnon’s feelings for Tamar turned to hatred; in fact, his hatred of her exceeded the desire he previously had for her that had caused him to be sick. His brutal command to Tamar—Get out of here.
Tamar then turned her plea into one of not adding sin upon sin by sending her away. Amnon’s heart was hard; he would not listen. He called out for his personal servant to put Tamar out of his house and lock the door.
2Samuel 13:18 And she had a garment of divers colours upon her: for with such robes were the king’s daughters that were virgins apparelled. Then his servant brought her out, and bolted the door after her.
2Samuel 13:19 And Tamar put ashes on her head, and rent her garment of divers colours that was on her, and laid her hand on her head, and went on crying.
2Samuel 13:20 And Absalom her brother said unto her, Hath Amnon thy brother been with thee? but hold now thy peace, my sister: he is thy brother; regard not this thing. So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house.
Tamar was dressed in a specially colored robe that marked her as a king’s daughter and a virgin. When Amnon’s servant locked her out of his house, she put ashes on her head and tore her robe as a sign of mourning and great sorrow for what she had lost. She held her head and could not stop crying.
Tamar must have run to Absalom‘s home, presumably where she lived considering the note from JFB below. He immediately asked her if Amnon had violated her. This tells me that he already suspected Amnon of wrong feelings toward his sister. He probably knew that she had gone to serve him and concluded that he had taken advantage of the situation considering the state his sister was in. He tried to comfort her and urged her to keep quiet about what had happened. He tried to make it sound like it wasn’t so bad since Amnon was her brother. Tamar could not be consoled and stayed in Absalom’s home.
Another note from JFB: “In Eastern countries, where polygamy prevails, the girls are considered to be under the special care and protection of their uterine brother, who is the guardian of their interests and their honor, even more than their father himself….the children of polygamists lived by themselves, as if they constituted different families.”
2Samuel 13:21 ¶ But when king David heard of all these things, he was very wroth.
This is a very sad verse to me. David heard what had happened, and it made him angry. Nothing else. No action to punish his son or comfort his daughter. How sad. This certainly wasn’t acting like a man “after God’s own heart.” I think his refusal to act against Amnon found its roots in the guilt of his own sexual sin. He probably knew in his heart that he should never have left his daughter in such a vulnerable position.
2Samuel 13:22 And Absalom spake unto his brother Amnon neither good nor bad: for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar.
2Samuel 13:23 And it came to pass after two full years, that Absalom had sheepshearers in Baalhazor, which is beside Ephraim: and Absalom invited all the king’s sons.
2Samuel 13:24 And Absalom came to the king, and said, Behold now, thy servant hath sheepshearers; let the king, I beseech thee, and his servants go with thy servant.
2Samuel 13:25 And the king said to Absalom, Nay, my son, let us not all now go, lest we be chargeable unto thee. And he pressed him: howbeit he would not go, but blessed him.
2Samuel 13:26 Then said Absalom, If not, I pray thee, let my brother Amnon go with us. And the king said unto him, Why should he go with thee?
2Samuel 13:27 But Absalom pressed him, that he let Amnon and all the king’s sons go with him.
Absalom said absolutely nothing to Amnon about what he had done. But…he hated Amnon because he had raped his sister Tamar. Absalom let his hatred brew for two years before deciding to seek vengeance. He probably figured that no one would suspect him of ill will against his brother after this long.
Absalom decided to use the time of sheepshearing to throw a feast and invite all the king’s sons to come celebrate with him. He presented himself to the king and invited his father to come and bring his servants (which would have included his sons). The king declined by saying that he didn’t want to put such a burden on his son. Absalom continued to pressure his father into coming, but he maintained his refusal. He did, however, pronounce a blessing upon him. Absalom was determined. He then asked his father if Amnon, the oldest son, could come. The king asked him why he wanted Amnon to go. It seems as though Absalom sidestepped the question by urging his father to let all his brothers go with him, and eventually the king relented.
Was David suspicious of Absalom’s motives? Was he thinking about the rape of Tamar? Is that why he decided to send all of the sons thinking that would surely deter any evil? Did he want to hope that all was well among his sons?
2Samuel 13:28 Now Absalom had commanded his servants, saying, Mark ye now when Amnon’s heart is merry with wine, and when I say unto you, Smite Amnon; then kill him, fear not: have not I commanded you? be courageous, and be valiant.
2Samuel 13:29 And the servants of Absalom did unto Amnon as Absalom had commanded. Then all the king’s sons arose, and every man gat him up upon his mule, and fled.
Absalom had commanded his servants to kill Amnon when he gave the command; he would wait until Amnon was well under the influence of the wine. He told them they had nothing to fear because they would be following his command. Then he urged them to be courageous and brave.
Absalom’s servants followed his command. When the rest of the brothers saw what had happened they got on their mules and fled.
2Samuel 13:30 ¶ And it came to pass, while they were in the way, that tidings came to David, saying, Absalom hath slain all the king’s sons, and there is not one of them left.
2Samuel 13:31 Then the king arose, and tare his garments, and lay on the earth; and all his servants stood by with their clothes rent.
2Samuel 13:32 And Jonadab, the son of Shimeah David’s brother, answered and said, Let not my lord suppose that they have slain all the young men the king’s sons; for Amnon only is dead: for by the appointment of Absalom this hath been determined from the day that he forced his sister Tamar.
2Samuel 13:33 Now therefore let not my lord the king take the thing to his heart, to think that all the king’s sons are dead: for Amnon only is dead.
It seems that word got back to David before his sons did. As is often the case, the first report was flawed. David was told that Absalom had killed all of his brothers. David got up and tore his clothes and prostrated himself on the ground in grief. His servants also tore their clothes to show compassion for their king.
Jonadab, Amnon’s buddy and David’s nephew, corrected the report and told David that only Amnon was dead. He explained that his murder was an act of vengeance by Absalom because Amnon had raped his sister Tamar. He assured the king once again that only Amnon was dead.
Jonadab was so sure of himself that some commentators believe he was actually in on the plot to kill Amnon. If so, he was as two-faced as they come. Maybe he was jealous of the royal position of his cousins.
2Samuel 13:34 But Absalom fled. And the young man that kept the watch lifted up his eyes, and looked, and, behold, there came much people by the way of the hill side behind him.
2Samuel 13:35 And Jonadab said unto the king, Behold, the king’s sons come: as thy servant said, so it is.
2Samuel 13:36 And it came to pass, as soon as he had made an end of speaking, that, behold, the king’s sons came, and lifted up their voice and wept: and the king also and all his servants wept very sore.
Absalom ran away. Meanwhile, the young man that kept watch at the gate looked up and saw that a large group of people was coming up the hill behind him. Jonadab told the king that it was his sons returning home. Sure enough, the king’s sons came before him in tears, moving both the king and the servants that were with him to tears as well.
2Samuel 13:37 But Absalom fled, and went to Talmai, the son of Ammihud, king of Geshur. And David mourned for his son every day.
2Samuel 13:38 So Absalom fled, and went to Geshur, and was there three years.
2Samuel 13:39 And the soul of king David longed to go forth unto Absalom: for he was comforted concerning Amnon, seeing he was dead.
Absalom fled to his maternal grandfather, king of Geshur, for sanctuary. David mourned for his son—Amnon, his firstborn—every day. Absalom stayed in Geshur for three years; this kingdom was located in the southern portion of the Golan Heights in Bashan according to JFB. Having come to terms with the death of Amnon, David began to long to see Absalom.
I would assume that the LORD’s words of judgment haunted him. He must have considered himself partly to blame for all that happened.
2Samuel 14:1 ¶ Now Joab the son of Zeruiah perceived that the king’s heart was toward Absalom.
2Samuel 14:2 And Joab sent to Tekoah, and fetched thence a wise woman, and said unto her, I pray thee, feign thyself to be a mourner, and put on now mourning apparel, and anoint not thyself with oil, but be as a woman that had a long time mourned for the dead:
2Samuel 14:3 And come to the king, and speak on this manner unto him. So Joab put the words in her mouth.
Joab, David’s nephew and military commander, recognized that David’s heart was longing to see Absalom. He decided to stage a scenario that would get David to relent and bring Absalom home. He sent to Tekoah for a wise woman that David wouldn’t recognize. The Hebrew for the word “wise” references being intelligent, skillful, artful and cunning. It made me wonder if she was known for her ability to act or perform. We aren’t told how he knew about this woman. He asked the woman to pretend to be a mourner by wearing mourning apparel and making it look like she had been in mourning for quite a while. He then wanted her to present herself before David and share the following story exactly as he instructed.
2Samuel 14:4 And when the woman of Tekoah spake to the king, she fell on her face to the ground, and did obeisance, and said, Help, O king.
2Samuel 14:5 And the king said unto her, What aileth thee? And she answered, I am indeed a widow woman, and mine husband is dead.
2Samuel 14:6 And thy handmaid had two sons, and they two strove together in the field, and there was none to part them, but the one smote the other, and slew him.
2Samuel 14:7 And, behold, the whole family is risen against thine handmaid, and they said, Deliver him that smote his brother, that we may kill him, for the life of his brother whom he slew; and we will destroy the heir also: and so they shall quench my coal which is left, and shall not leave to my husband neither name nor remainder upon the earth.
The woman evidently agreed and soon presented herself to the king. She fell on the ground before him and pleaded for his help. David asked her what was wrong. She told the king that she was a widow; her husband had died. She had two sons, but they got into a fight with one another in the field. No one was able to intervene between them, and eventually one son killed the other. The rest of the family were very angry with the mother because she would not give them the surviving brother to kill him for killing his brother. She was worried that if they took matters into their own hands, she would be left with no one to care for her and no one to preserve the posterity of the family in name and land inheritance.
The woman’s wording indicated that there were those in the family motivated mainly by their desire of becoming heir to the family property.
2Samuel 14:8 And the king said unto the woman, Go to thine house, and I will give charge concerning thee.
2Samuel 14:9 And the woman of Tekoah said unto the king, My lord, O king, the iniquity be on me, and on my father’s house: and the king and his throne be guiltless.
2Samuel 14:10 And the king said, Whosoever saith ought unto thee, bring him to me, and he shall not touch thee any more.
2Samuel 14:11 Then said she, I pray thee, let the king remember the LORD thy God, that thou wouldest not suffer the revengers of blood to destroy any more, lest they destroy my son. And he said, As the LORD liveth, there shall not one hair of thy son fall to the earth.
After hearing her story, David told her to go back home, and he would make a decision.
Verse 9 is a bit difficult. After reading several translations, the only one that seemed to bring any clarity was the NLT: “’Oh, thank you, my lord,’ she replied. ‘And I’ll take the responsibility if you are criticized for helping me like this.’” This makes sense because David would be overriding established law. Absalom could not even have sought protection in a city of refuge because his was an act of cold-blooded murder—even though the provocation was very great.
The king then told the woman to bring anyone that bothered her again about this matter to him. He would make sure that they did not bother her again.
The woman persisted and pushed the king for a clear decision. She pleaded with the king to swear to her that he would not allow the revengers of blood (the closest kin) to kill her son. David swore by the LORD that her son would not be harmed.
You would think David would have asked her where the son was and how she had kept him safe from his relatives thus far.
2Samuel 14:12 Then the woman said, Let thine handmaid, I pray thee, speak one word unto my lord the king. And he said, Say on.
2Samuel 14:13 And the woman said, Wherefore then hast thou thought such a thing against the people of God? for the king doth speak this thing as one which is faulty, in that the king doth not fetch home again his banished.
2Samuel 14:14 For we must needs die, and are as water spilt on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again; neither doth God respect any person: yet doth he devise means, that his banished be not expelled from him.
2Samuel 14:15 Now therefore that I am come to speak of this thing unto my lord the king, it is because the people have made me afraid: and thy handmaid said, I will now speak unto the king; it may be that the king will perform the request of his handmaid.
2Samuel 14:16 For the king will hear, to deliver his handmaid out of the hand of the man that would destroy me and my son together out of the inheritance of God.
2Samuel 14:17 Then thine handmaid said, The word of my lord the king shall now be comfortable: for as an angel of God, so is my lord the king to discern good and bad: therefore the LORD thy God will be with thee.
The woman then asked permission to say one more thing to the king, and David granted her permission. She basically made a comparison between her situation with her son and that of the king with his son and clearly implied that he was ready to treat a stranger with more compassion than he did his own son. I think the Complete Jewish Bible translation of verses 13-17 is quite a bit clearer: The woman said, “Why is it, then, that you have produced a situation exactly like this against God’s people? By saying what you have said, the king has virtually incriminated himself — in that the king does not bring home again the son he banished. For we will all die someday; we’ll be like water spilled on the ground that can’t be gathered up again; and God makes no exception for anyone. The king should think of some way to keep the son he banished from being forever an outcast. Now the reason I came to speak about this matter to my lord the king is that the people were intimidating me; so your servant said, ‘I will speak now to the king; maybe the king will do what his servant is asking. For the king will listen and rescue his servant from the hands of those who would destroy me and my son together from our share of God’s inheritance.’ Then your servant said, ‘Please let my lord the king say something that will give me relief; for my lord the king is like an angel of God in discerning good from bad — and may ADONAI your God be with you.’”
So how was David’s action “against God’s people”? We will find out that Absalom was quite popular and was probably the expected heir apparent to the throne.
John Gill had an interesting note on the phrase in verse 14, “neither doth God respect any person”: “…the words in the original are, "God doth not take away the soul or life" of every offender, but spares them notwithstanding the crimes they have committed; and therefore it became the king to be sparing and merciful to offenders, and particularly to his own son; and perhaps she may tacitly have respect to David himself who had been guilty both of murder and adultery, either of which deserved death; and yet God had not taken away his life, but in his great mercy had spared him; and therefore, since he had received mercy, he should show it: or "God hath not taken away his soul or life"; the life of Absalom; he had not cut him off himself by his immediate hand, nor suffered the king's sons to take away his life, nor any other to seize upon him, and bring him to justice, whom David might have employed; but had by his providence protected and preserved him; so that it seemed to be his will and pleasure that he should not be put to death….”
I liked Guzik’s comment on the last part of verse 14: “God has devised a way to bring the banished back to Him, that they might not be expelled from Him. The way is through the person and work of Jesus, and how He stood in the place of guilty sinners as He hung on the cross and received the punishment that we deserved.”
2Samuel 14:18 Then the king answered and said unto the woman, Hide not from me, I pray thee, the thing that I shall ask thee. And the woman said, Let my lord the king now speak.
2Samuel 14:19 And the king said, Is not the hand of Joab with thee in all this? And the woman answered and said, As thy soul liveth, my lord the king, none can turn to the right hand or to the left from ought that my lord the king hath spoken: for thy servant Joab, he bade me, and he put all these words in the mouth of thine handmaid:
2Samuel 14:20 To fetch about this form of speech hath thy servant Joab done this thing: and my lord is wise, according to the wisdom of an angel of God, to know all things that are in the earth.
After the woman’s little speech, David knew that someone was behind the woman’s actions, and he asked the woman if Joab was behind what she had done. She had to admit that the king was as wise and discerning as an angel of God because it was true that Joab had told her what to say. She defended Joab and explained that he was trying to get the king to see his situation with Absalom from a different perspective.
2Samuel 14:21 ¶ And the king said unto Joab, Behold now, I have done this thing: go therefore, bring the young man Absalom again.
2Samuel 14:22 And Joab fell to the ground on his face, and bowed himself, and thanked the king: and Joab said, To day thy servant knoweth that I have found grace in thy sight, my lord, O king, in that the king hath fulfilled the request of his servant.
2Samuel 14:23 So Joab arose and went to Geshur, and brought Absalom to Jerusalem.
It would seem that Joab had witnessed the whole incident because David next spoke directly to him. He then told Joab to go and bring Absalom home again. Joab fell prostrate on the ground and thanked David for showing him favor and granting his request. Then Joab arose and went to Geshur and brought Absalom back to Jerusalem.
2Samuel 14:24 And the king said, Let him turn to his own house, and let him not see my face. So Absalom returned to his own house, and saw not the king’s face.
2Samuel 14:25 But in all Israel there was none to be so much praised as Absalom for his beauty: from the sole of his foot even to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him.
2Samuel 14:26 And when he polled his head, (for it was at every year’s end that he polled it: because the hair was heavy on him, therefore he polled it:) he weighed the hair of his head at two hundred shekels after the king’s weight.
2Samuel 14:27 And unto Absalom there were born three sons, and one daughter, whose name was Tamar: she was a woman of a fair countenance.
The king did have a stipulation; Absalom was to return to his home but not show his face in front of his father. Absalom returned and honored his father’s demand.
It is noted that Absalom was so handsome that there was no man to compare to him in beauty. There was not a blemish on him from head to toe. He cut his hair every year at the end of the year because it was so heavy. When he cut it, it weighed 200 of the king’s shekels (about 3lbs.).
Absalom had three sons and one daughter whom he named Tamar, after his sister. She inherited her father’s beauty.
How quick we are to ask for God’s forgiveness and take comfort when he shows us His unconditional love and mercy. How slow we are to treat those that have wronged us with that same type of unconditional love and mercy!
2Samuel 14:28 ¶ So Absalom dwelt two full years in Jerusalem, and saw not the king’s face.
2Samuel 14:29 Therefore Absalom sent for Joab, to have sent him to the king; but he would not come to him: and when he sent again the second time, he would not come.
2Samuel 14:30 Therefore he said unto his servants, See, Joab’s field is near mine, and he hath barley there; go and set it on fire. And Absalom’s servants set the field on fire.
2Samuel 14:31 Then Joab arose, and came to Absalom unto his house, and said unto him, Wherefore have thy servants set my field on fire?
2Samuel 14:32 And Absalom answered Joab, Behold, I sent unto thee, saying, Come hither, that I may send thee to the king, to say, Wherefore am I come from Geshur? it had been good for me to have been there still: now therefore let me see the king’s face; and if there be anyiniquity in me, let him kill me.
2Samuel 14:33 So Joab came to the king, and told him: and when he had called for Absalom, he came to the king, and bowed himself on his face to the ground before the king: and the king kissed Absalom.
Absalom lived in Jerusalem for two full years and still had yet to see his father’s face. This would seem to indicate that he was basically confined to his own property.
Absalom finally decided to send for Joab hoping to get him to go to the king and intercede for him once again. For some reason, Joab ignored him—not once, but twice. Absalom then sent his servants to set Joab’s barley field on fire, and they did. This got Joab’s attention, and he came to Absalom’s house to get an explanation.
Absalom explained that he had asked for him to come to him so that he could get him to go to the king and ask why his father had brought him home only to ignore him. He would have been better off staying in Geshur. He demanded to see his father; and if his father still felt that he was deserving of death, he was willing to die.
Joab went to the king and told him what Absalom had said. David then called for Absalom, and he came before his father falling prostrate before him. Then David kissed his son—a public sign that he had been pardoned.
I have to admit that I sometimes wonder how to make applications to some of these Old Testament narratives. David serves as a very real example of the truth that sin has dire consequences. His relationship with his son is far from healed, as we will see in the next chapter. David has but begun to reap the consequences of his sins against God with Bathsheba and Uriah.